I Probably Hate You

No more Ad's

2010-04-05T12:03:00.001-07:00

I finally got around to removing Ad-Sense from IPHY - I had been meaning too for awhile since;

1. I hate Ad's
2. I did not pay attention to what I had to do to get paid

and

3. I never accumulated enough Ad revenue to make it worth figuring out.

That's right, I actually took steps to reduce the content on a site that I already don't have enough time to add content to.

Holy Shit! Ricky Martin Is Gay....

2010-03-30T15:13:00.001-07:00

Seriously - is anyone really shocked? The only way this guy could be anymore obviously gay is if he walked around with a dick in his mouth and had to spit it out to make this announcement.

This is like when Rosie O'Donnell came out.

Ashton Kutcher is all :( that Brittney Murphey Died

2009-12-21T15:28:00.000-08:00

If it were physically possible for me to cry Ashton Kutcher's touching farewell to Brittney Murphey would have had tears streaming down my face like a rape victim sad princess.

Today Ashton got on twitter and pushed the following prose out to the universe;

"2day the world lost a little piece of sunshine. My deepest condolences go out 2 Brittany's family, her husband, & her amazing mother Sharon."

But wait there's more - he followed with;

"see you on the other side kid."

Damn twitter for limiting the amount of characters you can put into a message ... but then again I don't think they intended it to be used to deliver a eulogy for a former girlfriend. All I know is that he must have really loved her to go out of his way to twitter something about her death.

I think you can do less .... somehow. I would h8 to be as :( as he must be.

Oh and if you happen to read this Ashton - what I wrote may be a little subtle for you - basically I am saying you are a dick.

So ... Tiger hates condoms but loves whores..... sounds smart

2009-12-09T18:08:00.000-08:00

So alot of the stuff I am glossing over says that Tiger went bareback with the (nearly) dozen sluts we know about ..... God knows how many we don't know about. This leads me to believe either;

a - he is invulnerable and cannot be infected by any human STD.

or

b - he is fucking retarded.

Yeah.... one or the other.

Get gifts for them and cashback for you. Try Bing now.

IPHY Format Change

2009-12-08T15:23:00.000-08:00

For the dozens of people that accidentally stumble onto my site I figured I should mention that I am changing the format so that I can continue to fill the internet with vile crap.

Some of my posts will now be shorter or done through a mobile device (so will not have a picture - until I figure out how to do that.)

Enjoy.

Happy Holidays My Ass

2009-12-08T14:59:00.000-08:00

So the other day I was talking to a fellow manager at the corporation that was stupid enough to make me the manager of a department and he mentioned that he only tells people 'Happy Holidays' because saying 'Merry Christmas' is too exclusionary and he didn't want to offend anyone.

I laughed and told him he was a gigantic pussy and he was the reason that America is going in the toilet...... conversation kind of tapered off at that point.

I kept thinking about it though.

Who the hell is he worried about offending? The only people I know who would be offended by someone wishing them a 'Merry Christmas' are other gigantic pussies and atheists.

I used to have a Muslim coworker - and if he would have wished me a happy Ramadan I wouldn't have been offended, I would have been delighted that he was not calling me an intolerant asshole for once. If someone right now came up and wished me a happy Hanukkah I would wish it right back at em. I don't think I know a single Jew or Muslim that is offended that I celebrate Christmas, I know some Christian's that get offended by the fact that I celebrate it in a strip club - but that is a whole different thing.

If I got offended that a Muslim told me 'Happy Ramadan' he would think I was a dick, and he would be right. Not only that - if I was offended by his Ramadan greetings the world would brand me an intolerant bigot, and honestly I don't think that would be out of line. So why in the hell do people expect others to be offended by 'Merry Christmas"?

Recently some Best Buy in Detroit put out an ad that wished everyone a happy Eid-al Adha - which made some people all butthurt, but - honestly - does anyone sane give a shit? I hope everyone did have a happy Eid-al Adha, and I presume most Muslims hope that I have a kick-ass Christmas. For that matter I hope you have an uneventful Tet and a happy day celebrating whatever crazy shit Scientologist's have a day for.

I would really be interested in knowing if I have this all wrong, and if other faiths are actually pissed when they see Christmas trees and decorations all over the place this time of year. I honestly don't give a shit if the streets look like Christmas, Hanukkah, and Ramadan exploded all over societies proverbial face. Crosses, Santa's, Dreidels, and uh ....something Ramadan-ish (there actually is not a set decoration for Ramadan it turns out). The point is I don't give a crap what holiday you decide to celebrate and I would expect the same consideration.

I honestly think that the only people all that worried about Christmas being exclusionary are douches with an agenda to push that honestly don't give a crap about inclusion - they just want a vehicle to prove how intolerant/racist/fascist America is.

So Merry Christmas - and if that offends you then suck it.

I don't have alot of time anymore.....

2009-11-12T10:53:00.000-08:00

Someone was recently stupid enough in the 'suit' world to put me in charge. That means I have less time to write about how much I hate reality TV or go into detail about which celebrities or female superheros I would want to put my penis in.

I am still going to post here and at hubpages - just not as often till I break the will of all those who oppose me.

Is Somalia Going Too Far?

2009-10-20T07:51:00.000-07:00

Never let it be said that I am not a fan of firm breasts, however I think we all agree there needs to be sane limits on breast regulation....

Residents tell the paper that (al Shabaab) gunmen have been gathering women in Mogadishu who are perceived to have firm busts.

Ok, so I guess all of us are not in agreement.Can we at least make this something where no one goes overboard on the punishment?

These women are then publicly whipped by masked men as punishment for what Islamist leaders call deception.

Publicly whipped for having breasts that are not up to al Shabaab's high standards, I hope that they at least let the women they publicly whip for having deficient (to the men of al Shabaab) breasts keep some small dignity.

After the public whippings, the women are forced to remove their bras and shake their breasts, the Times reported.

Classy.... really classy. Fuck you Somalia, I can see why tourism is down.

On a somewhat related note don't go to Somalia if you like movies, musical ring-tones, dancing at weddings, or playing or watching soccer. You will only be disappointed .... well if you're lucky you will only be disappointed.

Oh and the picture above has almost nothing to do with the story - I needed a picture of a woman in a burqua but I like the sexy .... this seemed like a reasonable compromise.

A book so vulgar it kicked John Davis in his vagina

2009-10-08T07:02:00.000-07:00

Who the fuck is John Davis and why does his vagina hurt? I'm glad you asked.

John Davis is a father in Vinton Virginia who is very, very, butthurt about his son reading the book 'Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephan Chbosky, which according to John is filled with "very descriptive" language about masturbation, drugs, and the gay. Reading this will, of course, lead an impressionable young man to masturbating another guy while doing lines of coke off the back of another guy that he's making sweet buttlove to.

"My first reaction when I saw the contents of the book was anger," Davis told FOXNews.com. "I was infuriated .....They're corrupting his mind with this garbage."

That is what books do - first they corrupt you ....then they control you.

Back in 4th grade I had to read "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe" and I started hanging out with talking lions and killing witches. This book is (I guess) even worse and society cannot have schools giving impressionable young children books that are going to make them use drugs or give them the gay.

Of course in this case there are a few things that differ from my sad childhood literary rape. In this case John's son is fucking sixteen years old and, oh yeah, the school did not assign this book to the students. In this case he got the book from a friend of his that had gotten the book from a teacher. Why did the teacher give the book to the original student? Who cares - let his parents worry about it.

Hey - remember when you were sixteen and you read a book and it inspired you to do something that was totally against your upbringing? Me neither - because it never frigging happened.

Why is it that the people who are raised in the most 'moral' fundamentalist Christian households seem to always need the most protection from the evils of society? I remember born-again Christians being afraid that porn, Dungeons and Dragons, and the group Styx was going to totally corrupt their kid and lead them to murder or suicide or both. I personally think it's because they live in a community where they are constantly told what to think and that combined with the fact that they embrace magical thinking (i.e. The Devil is always who screws up things in your life) leads to a group of people with very weak wills. Think I am full of crap? Go see how many stories you can find about secular people being possessed.

I have nothing against Born Again Christian's when they are not all full of crazy. I have known a bunch and some seem normal, but I also know many that think anytime something goes wrong it is not their fault - it is The Devil. I suppose some people find comfort in assuming that nothing they do is ever within their control.

But I digress...

If this book had been required reading I could see John's point, he should have the right to determine what is appropriate for his kid, this however was not the case. Of course now that the ball is rolling maybe John wants to protect us all;

"I don't think it's age-appropriate for anyone," he said. "I don't think adults should be reading that junk. It's pornography.

Hey John - piss off. Censorship is for small minded little nancey-boys; if there is something you don't want to read, watch, or hear you can be a big boy and make that choice - but you don't get to make that choice for me.

John should really take this whole thing up with his kid - it has nothing to do with anyone else.

Jon Gosselin Clears The Family Bank Account - My last Jon and Kate Story

2009-10-05T07:58:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend Jon has initiated part 3 of his plan for winning the hearts and minds of his children and the world;

Jon violated an arbitrator's rules and pulled hundreds of thousands of dollars out of his joint account with Kate, leaving her with only $1,000, a RadarOnline.com investigation uncovered.

This is where I would talk about what a total scumbag this guy is ....I know that you already know he is dick - but humor me.

I seriously get the impression (based on nothing other then hearsay and Internet clips) that Kate is a raving bitch, but maybe the reason she is like that is she regularly had sex with this sleazy prick. Maybe she thought if she married a mildly retarded loser that looks like his has been hit with a wee bit of a birth defect that he would make up for all of it by being a really nice guy with alot of inner beauty.

Good call. Instead he cheated on her, got her show delayed, cleared out her bank account, and probably gave her VD (I admit that last one is pure conjecture).

Let this be a lesson to all you teenage girls, no matter how ugly and stupid your boyfriend is he may not stick around after you have had a couple litters of children - so maybe just have kids in the traditional singles and doubles instead of the new trendy 'party size' litters. It is alot easier to be a single mother when you don't have more than half a dozen kids.

In his defense he probably needs the money until he starts getting the $30,ooo per appearance he wants in exchange for showing up at events and hanging out (here). Totally worth it - nothing says your party is a success like having a sleazy reality 'star' hanging out trying to hit on girls that would not usually bother to spit on him. Maybe he will even do that classy thing where he has one of his bodyguards walk over and ask a girl if she wants to have a drink with him. Pure fucking class.

Oh and congratulations Jon and Kate, you lasted about as long as the Spencer and Heidi Pratt did on my blogs. I am officially too bored to write anything else, so unless there is a bizarre murder or suicide or something I am not going to bother. I'm not making suggestions here btw - so if someone gets killed in this whole thing don't come blaming me.... or thanking me ... or whatever.

If Jon Gosselin can't be on the show NO ONE WILL

2009-10-01T12:30:00.000-07:00

I guess Jon's attempts to reconcile (here) didn't work and now it is time for plan B.

"Effective immediately, no production crews are to enter Jon's family home for any reason," a letter from his attorney said, according to "The Insider," which announced the news on CBS' "The Early Show."

I can't really blame him, he went all out and wrote that whole press release about wanting to save their marriage in time for him to be back on the show this season and he has given Kate a couple of days to take him back. What the hell else do you need?

He HAD to move to plan B and try to stop the show. Don't you people understand that love makes you do crazy shit? Where else is he going to get a television show?

It completes him... oh and the wife and kids he loves etc. etc.

I don't watch the show, but seeing these two in the media gives me the impression that they are both greedy, manipulative, narcissistic, asshats that probably should have had therapy to deal with whatever the hell made them this way instead of popping out two litters of kids.

But then what the hell do I know? I haven't even been on a reality show much less been the focus of one.

I am on Jon's side in this one though, I think the show should be cancelled too.

Kanye West pissed off again - don't deny him chicken

2009-09-30T08:41:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking of writing an article about illegal immigration - but it's alot easier to just write about Kanye being a douche. Fortunately for me people have not figured out that you really don't want to invite him to anything, maybe in this case though Common thought he would be ok since it was a charity benefit and there were no awards involved.

There was however chicken...

The rapper was allegedly upset over his not being offered food while in the dressing room backstage. After spotting a man eating chicken, West blurted, "Why wasn't I offered chicken? You want me to perform for free, [and] everyone is eating... why am I not eating?"

Kanye knows what he wants and in this case he wants some damn chicken. Can someone get this man some chicken?

When the waitress explained that he never asked for food, 'Ye yelled, "Well, I'm asking now!" After receiving chicken, he allegedly proceeded to take a bite and then throw the rest in the trash. Meanwhile, the rapper's beau Amber Rose, stood silent, while other celebrities backstage watched in awe.

God I wish this story would have been about Kanye wanting some fish-sticks.

Here is where you can read the article about it.

Jon still loves Kate .... all it took was getting fired to realize it.

2009-09-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

It's so fucking touching when people realize they are still in love shortly after losing the job that was predicated on them being married. Like a fairytale with AIDS.

If you are not all up on your useless pseudo-celebrity news TLC announced today that they decided to just run 'Kate plus 8' and leave Jon out of it. I've never seen the show but I'm guessing the more cast members you eliminate the better the show is going to be.

Here is the touching crap that Jon spewed not long after hearing he was going to have to get a job.

"Even though we were heading for a divorce, it appeared that Kate had been suffering from this divorce as much as I had. That's why I asked my attorney to put the brakes on this divorce so I could try to regain control over the future of our family. So Kate and I could join on a cooperative course that would benefit our family -- not destroy it," Jon tells In Touch Weekly.

Hey Kate - remember all that shit I said ... well that was before they fired me from the show -- now I just think we need to throw on the brakes play some Berry White and make another litter of babies together. You know you wanna.

The worst part of all this is that I even know about it. Fuck you reality T.V.

Sacramento Mother attacks her kids over the last pork chop

2009-09-23T14:46:00.000-07:00

These must have been some good fucking pork chops...

Police say Chavonna Gough got upset with her 16-year-old and 19-year-old sons for eating the last pork chop. She allegedly hit one teen in the head and then punched him in the face. After that, police say she grabbed a knife from the kitchen and chased them out of the house.

I bet you assume the picture above this article is of the family involved..... but that is because you're retarded. That up there is 50's TV MILF Donna Reed - the mother involved is actually pictured below.

Now before you go thinking I am a racist or something keep in mind - I didn't tell her to do this shit.

Insane Killer violates trust of Washington State during field trip to county fair .....wait what?

2009-09-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

So I guess that in Washington state someone thought it would be a pretty good idea to take criminally insane murders to the county fair to hang out.

Seriously.

The field trip to the fair, which included 30 other patients, is an annual event

Amazingly enough this turned out to be a fucking stupid idea and 47 year old Phillip Paul, who is a diagnosed schizophrenic who murdered an old lady back in 1987, made a daring escape - and by 'daring escape' I mean he calmly walked away from the fair and went to a friends house to get a ride out of town.

I'm pretty sure whoever is in charge of the criminally insane in Washington state should be smarter than me, or if not smarter than me at least they should be smarter than the average child. Go ahead, ask your kid if taking an insane murderer to the fair is a good idea - not only will they say no theres a good chance they'll tell their teacher that their parent is a moron.

The only possible thing I can say for Washington state is that at least they had no indication that this guy might try to escape....

Spokane County sheriff's Detective Roger W. Knight, also nabbed Paul after he gave Eastern State personnel the slip in 1991 during a field trip in Medical Lake, where the mental institution is located, Knezovich said. Following that arrest, Paul knocked Knight unconscious in the jail booking area and was convicted of first-degree escape and second-degree assault.

....Knezovich expressed dismay that Paul aroused no suspicion when he left the mental institution with a backpack loaded with clothing, food, an electric guitar and $50 from a Social Security check.

Um....

So lets go over the checklist - criminally insane murderer whos been unfit for trial for 22 years thats attempted escape previously and attacked an officer following his last escape shows up for the field trip with a backpack full of supplies.....

Were the people in charge of the trip too busy passing around the sign up list for the big annual trip to Chuck-E-Cheese for the pedophiles to notice that this guy shouldn't be allowed to go to the fair?

They did catch three short days later...

"He stated he was 'done' and complied with their commands," he said. Knezovich added that Paul had a hand scythe — a long, curved blade attached to a handle — in his backpack but made no attempt to reach for it.

Well - at least it doesn't seem like there was any chance he would hurt anyone ... you know, other than the fact that he had picked up a scythe at some point during his 3 days of freedom. Maybe he was going to go into farming.

In light of all this Washington state has now called a halt to field trips for 'forensic patients' - which are patients in treatment due to criminal proceedings - in other words the criminally insane.

I think most people (even some of the stupid ones) would think that is a pretty good idea.

Kanye West is a Douche; the 2009 VMA Awards joins the list

2009-09-14T06:58:00.000-07:00

I actually could have written the title of this post last week and had a pretty good chance of not having to change it. I also probably could have just titled it 'Kanye West is a douche' but I figured searching that phrase in Google would be kind of like searching the word 'The'.

This time our unstoppable force of social justice and artistic expression decided to take on the nefarious evil that is Taylor Swift after seeing she had the audacity to win the award for best female music video (i think) and actually was going to give an acceptance speech instead of an apology.

How fucking dare she.

Luckily our hero Kanye was right there to go up on stage and take the microphone, the moment, and some dignity from the 98 pound teenage girl;

Before she could continue, West broke in. “Yo Taylor, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but Beyoncé has one of the best videos of all time. One of the best videos of all time!” Kanye shouted to a mortified Swift and the speechless audience. And as quickly as he ran onstage — MTV cut away to show Pink applauding Taylor, and when they flashed back to Swift, West already had the mic in his hand — he was off, leaving a shocked Swift in his wake.

That will teach her to make popular music and videos that appeal to people. I don't actually care about Taylor Swift, Beyonce, or who had the better video - but I have to admit that I felt pretty bad for both of them since basically after he held Taylor down and pissed on her moment he basically nodded over to Beyonce and said 'That was for you B' ... only he would have said it more angsty and artistic like.

Following him knocking a teenage girl down a peg he went back into the audience and the following took place but was not shown;

According to reports from inside the house, once cameras cut away from the action, West flipped off the crowd and returned to his seat. Wale then said to the crowd, "You can't blame a man for speaking his mind." His words were met with boos, and Wale then said, "Kanye, I tried." During the next commercial break, Pink walked by the rapper and appeared to shake her head in disgust before security escorted her away.

Fucking classy baby.

If you found his behavior shocking than it's possible you are retarded - or a moron ....I'm not sure which is the PC term for someone who is still amazed by their drunk uncle pulling a quarter from their ear or dazzled by peek-a-boo. I heard someone say "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior" I want to say it was one of my college professors but I think it might have actually been Dr. Phil - either way it fits here.

Just take a look at what I like to call 'The Kanye West Butthurt Continuum"

2004 American Music Awards - Kanye losses Best New Artist to Gretchen Wilson, stomps out in protest and calls her a Redneck. He proclaims he was robbed and claims there is a massive conspiracy against him ..... I can't remember if it was all white people or just George W. Bush that was behind it.
2006 European Music Awards - Kanye's video 'Touch the Sky' doesn't win best video and he decides the reasonable thing to do is go onstage and take the microphone from the actual winners and rant about being robbed.
2007 Video Music Awards - Backstage meltdown over not getting to perform on the main stage because everyone is out to get him because he is so awesome. He was also pissed that Britney Spears opened the show instead of him.
2008 Video Music Awards - Gets all butthurt because Britney Spears wins Best Female Video instead of Rihanna.

And those are only the award shows - I'm sure a complete Kanye Butthurt Continuum would include a crapload more rants from; interview clips, comments at concerts, drunken rants at bars, screaming matches at fast food counters... the list would go on and on.

Keep in mind he does have a pretty valid reason for getting pissed. Kanye has pointed out time and again that he is oppressed because he's black, and how fucked up is that? Imagine for just a moment that you're an oppressed black superstar that had ONLY won 42 of the 127 awards you had been nominated for! Imagine you are Kanye and have only won 12 Grammys out of the freaking 30 you have been nominated for. What the hell!?

Can't you people, just for one second, feel his pain!?

I know some people that think part of the problem is Kanye is a racist, but I don't know that I agree with them. Kanye has compared himself to Tom Cruise in the past, and you don't get much whiter than Tom Cruise, I think he's definitely ethnocentric - but that's not the same thing. I think a truer statement would be that part of the problem is Kanye thinks everyone else is a racist.

That would explain why I've never heard of him pulling this crap at the Vibe awards, because there he can't really assume they're persecuting him because he's black ....that or the fact that someone at the Vibe awards would beat his bitch ass down the minute he tried to take the mic.

Yeah, I think the second one too.

Tila Tequila claims Shawne Merriman choked her - I'm only shocked more people haven't

2009-09-09T08:38:00.000-07:00

Tila called police and said that Shawne (linebacker for the S.D. Chargers) choked her in an attempt to keep her from leaving his house. The call to the police was made after 3AM, which is about the time that most really drunk people decide to really kick the stupid into overdrive.

Of course Tila claims that she was completely sober and is in fact allergic to alcohol. I know what you are thinking; this tramp is named after a fucking alcoholic beverage - but she claims that the name was meant to be ironic because she never drinks. Which makes perfect sense, like how they called Ken Bianchi 'The Hillside Strangler' even though some of the women he strangled were not on hillsides.

Of course her twitter tells a bit of a different story...

Shawne basically says that she was drunk off her ass and he was just trying to keep her from getting into her car and killing somebody. I tend to believe him based on the fact that it's Tila Tequila who from appearances seems to be a pathetic attention whore who is mostly famous for being a doing particulary trashy reality shows where she tries to decide if she is bisexual or not.

Not to mention the fact that Shawne is roughly the size of a house, I am a pretty tough guy but if he wanted me to stay at his house I don't think I would have alot of choice in the matter. If he wanted to keep Tila at his house I am pretty sure there would have been no call to the cops ... or anyone else for that matter. He is pictured below with what I presume is a normal sized man.

I want to go firmly on the record that I am against violence against women, I was pretty pissed that Chris Brown got off easy for giving his girlfriend a half hour long beating, but if Shawne did choke her a little bit I think we should give him a pass. I actually am surprised that pretty much anyone that is the least bit familiar with her doesn't run up and choke her. Hell I am just shocked that there isn't some kind of line you have to get in to do it.

Just like everything else with me this goes back to reality T.V. - which is what made me aware of this annoying bitch in the first place. I lost my point so time to stop writing.

You can read a news article about all this here is you really care.

Uncle Hatey is probably going to make you cry ... oh and he might make your ass bleed

2009-09-02T13:03:00.000-07:00

My best friend in the world Uncle Hatey has decided to start a blog which you can read here which should be filled with good stuff.... especially if being anally raped by words is good stuff to you.

I should be updating more often again now that I have been cleared of all charges by the way.

Miss Universe Contest might be manipulated by Donald Trump - oh and water is wet..

2009-09-02T07:16:00.000-07:00

Michael Schwandt (the choreographer of the Miss Universe Pageant) is claiming that Donald Trump picks the 15 Miss Universe finalists and then lets the judges pick the winner from among that stock. Reportedly he does this because in the past he feels that the judges were to stupid to tell who the hottest swimsuit models were.

This is shocking why?

I always assumed that Miss Universe was rigged, if not by Trump then by someone. Hell I am just shocked that the deciding factor is who Trump finds prettiest instead of who will blow him - you know, like how they picked Hollywood Starlets in the old days ....yeah ... the old days.

Miss Universe and Miss America are basically just like any other reality show, the producers are framing out a story of sorts and presenting you with something they think will get ratings. This is no different than the judges in American Idol or So You Think You Can Dance, or Dancing with the (kinda) Stars pimping their favorites to try to pick the winner.

Actually it is a little different. In those shows people vote, so the judges sometimes don't get their way. In fact I would like to think that sometimes all the pimping makes the public backlash against the contestant being pimped - in this one Trump basically just gets his way.

I am not going to say anything snide about the 15 being picked before the interview and question portion of the contest because I presume we all knew that they never had an impact on the outcome of the Pageant.

Seriously is anyone fucking surprised that his other entertainment franchises are not really basically just like Celebrity Apprentice -- just be glad Joan Rivers is not competing in Miss Universe or he would probably hand her that too.

Seriously fuck Donald Trump, and if you are reading this Donald ... please don't have me killed.

Blogger and Journalist are not synonymous

2009-08-25T11:29:00.000-07:00

I came back from a short holiday from writing to find a comment on one of my hubpages (here) from someone calling themselves riley who was so overcome with whatever the hell they were feeling that they felt the need to put me in my place.

The first post was nothing worth thinking about but the persons second post did bring up something that I do kind of care about...

riley says:
26 hours ago
and way to prove her point for sustaining the belief that theres a video leak out there without fact-checking. oustanding journalism, you got going on.

This comment would be hilarious if it were not for the fact that it's not the first time I've seen someone complain that a blogger (and not just me) did not have journalistic integrity.

I personally don't - but that's just because I'm not a fucking journalist except in the loosest possible definition. I'm a blogger that writes about shit that I find humorous or that pisses me off or both. Pretty much 'fact checking' for me only goes as far as making sure I didn't completely make it up in my head and my integrity extends only to the fact that I don't make up a quote or story out of thin air.

Lets take a look at the definition of journalism;

Main Entry: jour·nal·ism
Pronunciation: \ˈjər-nə-ˌli-zəm\
Function: noun
Date: 1828

1 a : the collection and editing of news for presentation through the media b : the public press c : an academic study concerned with the collection and editing of news or the management of a news medium 2 a : writing designed for publication in a newspaper or magazine b : writing characterized by a direct presentation of facts or description of events without an attempt at interpretation c : writing designed to appeal to current popular taste or public interest

So I guess if you go by 2C I (and alot of other bloggers) might possibly squeak by as journalists - keep in mind though 2C does not mention anything about; facts, academia, or news.

Definition 2C aside, when people talk about journalists and lofty notions of journalism I doubt very much they are talking about me or any of the other idiots that write (barely) entertaining articles that make fun of celebrities because we think they are stupider than we are.

I bet if you walked up to Dan Walters from the Sacramento Bee or Gerald Marzorati and referred to private bloggers as journalists they punch you right in the mouth. In the case of Dan Walters he would probably kick your ass until someone pulled him off - because I think that might be how he rolls. Hell for that matter walk up to Gordon Ramsey and hand him a grilled cheese sandwich and tell him about how you are a Chef too - let me know how he responds.

I know some professional journalists blog, but most of us are not one of them. If you self publish articles it does not make you a journalist and if you make up your own Internet 'radio' show it does not make you a talk show host any more than playing Mobsters on Facebook makes you a frigging mob boss. I read a quote from a novelist once that said essentially that if you are not cashing checks from a publisher you are not a writer - you're just someone who writes.

I guess 'journalist' is just going to be another of those words that have been watered down to the point of being pretty much meaningless - like calling reality contestants celebrities or calling anyone who disagrees with you a nazi.

Alex Da Silva - So You Think You Can Dance? Well sir you can certainly rape (allegedly)

2009-08-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

Remember way back in April when Alex Da Silva was arrested for raping one of the dancers he choreographed? Well the D.A. declined to prosecute - see that pisses me off when the press goes all out on a celebrity when they are arrested but never let you know when they are exonerated....

Cops say Alex Da Silva was arrested this morning at his North Hollywood home, after the District Attorney filed an arrest warrant charging him with eight felony counts of assault.

That includes four counts of forcible rape, two counts of assault with intent to commit rape and two counts of sexual penetration by a foreign object.

The D.A. says the alleged assaults occurred between August 2002 and March 2009. The four alleged victims were between the ages of 20 and 26 and were all dancers or aspiring dancers who say they met Alex through his dance instruction classes.

Oh ... well ... I stand corrected.

Would it be in bad taste right now to point out how hot some of the dancers are on that show? Two of them were hot enough to make me willing to sit through Dancing with the Stars (and they are pretty liberal with the use of the word 'Star" btw) when they ended up on that show.

.... This post is going to a bad place and I can't see this ending well so lets just stop here.

Self Magazine and the Kelly Clarkson Cover - Why it is ok to lie.

2009-08-13T08:04:00.001-07:00

Self magazine retouched the photo of Kelly Clarkson that they used on their cover; that's old news and in fact I ignored it when it first happened for two reasons one of which is that I don't care .... the other is ... well ok there was just one reason after all. The picture above is the magazine cover and a picture of Kelly from a performance that apparently took place on July 31st 2009 - so I am not going out of my way to be unfair.

Following the initial Internet furor (or whatever) an editor came out and said that the cover used an altered photo and that should have been the end of it;

Last Friday, the Internet was abuzz with the fact that I answered the question, did you Photoshop the September issue cover photo of Kelly Clarkson? with the answer: Yes. Of course we do retouching

Now however the editor is back to explain that by retouched she meant magically altered to show the real person that is hidden from us all;

She is, like her music, giving and strong and confident and full of gusto. Did we alter her appearance? Only to make her look her personal best. Did we publish an act of fiction? No. Not unless you think all photos are that. But in the sense that Kelly is the picture of confidence, and she truly is, then I think this photo is the truest we have ever put out there on the newsstand.

Wait - so how the hell are all pictures an act of fiction? I've taken alot of pictures of people (sometimes with them knowing) and the un-retouched photo looks just like the person I pointed the camera at. The person may not like the picture but that's what they look like. How exactly is that a lie? For that matter if I then take a picture and retouch it to make them look like Wonder Woman instead of like Khloe Kardashian is that the truth because it shows her freaking inner spirit?

Does this also extend beyond pictures by the way? Because if it does than the next time I send out a resume I am going say that I went to Harvard and got my Doctorate in awesome, then paste a picture of me retouched to look like Optimus Prime - because that all shows my inner spirit of confidence and gusto.

If you really want to read more bullshit about why it is ok to lie you can see the article here.

Intercollegiate Quidditch Association - Dignity and Glory for the socially challenged

2009-08-12T12:51:00.000-07:00

So it has been a little over 4 years since Collegiate Quidditch was founded during what I presume was a drunken party at Middlebury and it is now supposedly at 160 colleges including; Vassar, Princeton, and a bunch of other schools I probably couldn't get into.

Actually I cheated and posted that in from the article I wrote Here.

My wife reminded me after I wrote the article that I she actually told me about this a couple of years ago - but back then I didn't write humor I would hear something stupid and say a few witty things an never think of it again.

Now I put some of my thoughts here on the Internet for - surprisingly - hundreds of people to 'enjoy' or something.

Anyway - articles that do not fit my chosen subject matter here end up over at hubpages - just look for the KJWonka label to know that you are reading the very best that I could do in the time I would take away from competative masturbation.

LiveJournal users mad about the deletion of Harry Potter porn .... seriously.

2009-08-12T09:08:00.000-07:00

Whenever I think that the internet has lost the ability to surprise me it will inevitably slam down it's bones and look at me with a smirk and say 'Domino Motherfucker' - that's right, in my mind the internet is a giant electronic version of Ice-Cube.

LiveJournal users who patronize sex-themed Harry Potter fan art and fiction communities--and a host of other concerned users--are revolting a second time over account suspension notices they say are unpredictable and trample on their free-expression rights..... The users' journal entries contained "drawings depicting minors in explicit sexual situations,"

The shock didn't come from the illustrated pictures of the presumably underaged Harry Potter characters naked and having sex with each other - no the shock came from the fact that there are people that are publicly pissed off that the people over at LiveJournal removed it.

In (one case), the offending image depicted an unclothed Harry Potter of ambiguous age receiving oral sex from sometimes-villain Severus Snape.

Seriously - this is the issue you want to stand up and be recognized for? You want to stand and be counted so you can protect the rights of people to see pictures of Snape pleasuring Harry Potter? I think even the most hardcore (non-insane) ACLU member is backing away from this hoping he doesn't get any sad on his shoes.

I've said several times that I am not by any means a prude (like here and here), but the frigging internet is making me feel like little miss moral outrage lately.

Domino indeed.

Heidi and Spencer Pratt classy up the G.I. Joe opening

2009-08-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

Heidi and Spencer decided that the G.I. Joe movie was not enough of a parade of suck so they threw in their efforts to classy it up a bit. Believe me - nothing says classy like showing your wife on the cover of Playboy at the opening of a movie based (poorly) off a cartoon for kids.

It is heartwarming to see a man pimp his wife at every possible opportunity.

This is shorter than most of my posts but there is not much to say about these two whores, I suppose they will soon come up with some other stunt to get attention - maybe next time it will be something that I can write a bit more about or find some actual humor in.

John Hughes is dead

2009-08-06T16:21:00.000-07:00

John Hughes died today at the age of 59 from a heart attack.

Like anyone in my age range I grew up on John Hughes movies, and they seemed not completely unrealistic to me back in Junior High and High School. I grew up in a smallish mill town so maybe that is why his movies had some feeling of legitimacy for me.

I am not really aware of anything he has done recently - for all I know I have watched a bunch of his movies in the last few years. I do know that whether or not there was any real social relevance to them for alot of us his movies were part of our formative years.

Leighton Meester Sex Tape Scandal; Leighton says it is fake ... maybe.

2009-08-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

I have seen stories of a possible Leighton Meester sex tape floating around for awhile, and I honestly did not give a shit because I didn't have the first clue who the hell she was.

Now one of the other celebrity gossip hacks have made me understand that she is in Gossip Girl, which changes everything - or it would if I had ever seen it or had more than a vague notion of what it is.

I am now finally interested because of her recent comments in Harper's Bazaar;

"[The tape] is not real," she says bluntly, "so it makes me sort of sad. It's unfortunate that it got carried as far as it did." She pauses. "I definitely understand the nature of people better now and that the mere allegation of something like that could be headline news. People think it's real because somebody says it is." She takes a sip of her Coke. "By the way, [as for] me being 18 in those pictures, I don't believe I was."

Oh, thanks that clears up everything. You did not appear in a sex tape and that obviously isn't you - oh and you are pretty sure you were not eighteen yet in your sex tape that you definitely did not appear in.

This kind of reminds me of when Erin Andrews from EPSN (allegedly) starred in that peeping tom video a few months ago and no one had any clue until ESPN started totally denying it and sending out cease and desist orders like they were candy.

"That is totally not Erin Andrews so take that shit down now before we sue you for showing a hidden camera tape of Erin Andrews naked."

I saw it by the way, there were alot of script problems but the production values were pretty good for being filmed through a keyhole or whatever.

Harper's Bazaar Article is here by the way.

Thank God - finally a toy that teaches pre-teens how to breastfeed! Excuse me while I bleach my brain.

2009-08-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

We all know that teen pregnancy rocks, I mean who doesn't want their daughter to get pregnant as early and often as possible?

Oh yeah - those of us that are not fucking insane. Of course there are those other guys;

A Spanish toymaker known as Berjuan has developed a breast-feeding doll that comes with a special halter top its young "mothers" wear as they pretend to breast-feed their "babies." The halter top has daisies that cover the little girls’ nipples and come undone just as easily as the flaps of a nursing bra would.

Seriously, I am not a prude - hell I am an insanely permissive person.

You want to watch porn? I say watch all the porn you can. You want to smoke weed? None of my business - help yourself to some crack for all I care. You are a dude that wants to marry a dude, screw it marry three of them and send me an invite to the wedding - we will buy you something nice.

You want to watch your preteen daughter pretend to breastfeed her doll that comes complete with a special halter-top with easy open nipple covers? Sorry there partner, I gotta ask you to leave because I don't want the 'To Catch A Predator' people to knock stuff over when they are here filming you.

Maybe I am not being fair, oh wait;

The halter top has daisies that cover the little girls’ nipples and come undone just as easily as the flaps of a nursing bra would.

yeah - I am being fair.

I really hate being in the position of expressing moral outrage, because keep in mind that I write stupid articles about even stupider celebrities and I mention porn in probably half my posts.

But this toy is freaking creepy.

I am not one of those people that hear about 'Pregnancy Barbie' and scream that it is going to ruin society and make a bunch of kids get pregnant. I doubt that pregnancy is going to shoot up because of pregnant dolls(but by all means kids, prove me wrong.) and for that matter I am also not against breastfeeding at all. It is when you combine the two - children's toys and breastfeeding - that I start to think that there could be a serious mismatch. Hell I would not even sweat a Barbie that breastfed another doll, but this is your freaking daughter breastfeeding a doll.

I hate being all moral majority and shit but this whole thing is just creepy.

Link so that no one thinks I am making it up;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,537261,00.html?test=latestnews

Paula Abdul is off American Idol; where will contestants go for drunken rambling now!?

2009-08-05T07:53:00.000-07:00

I could not be happier to be wrong, when I first posted about Paula Abdul having contract issues (here) I had cynically assumed it was just more stupid fabricated reality show drama but her twitter proved me wrong;

"With sadness in my heart, I've decided not to return to #IDOL. I'll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all ...being a part of a show that I helped from day1become an international phenomenon ... What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me ... It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month ... I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all."

I have to admit I don't give a shit about the show after they pick their top 10 or 20 or whatever it is they let people vote on. I only enjoy the sweet delicious tears of anguish that they serve in abundance during auditions and Hollywood week. Sometimes the chick I live with (my wife) makes me watch the rest, but I try my best to think about porn instead.

I don't know where the contestants are going to turn for meaningless pseudo-optimistic drivel now that they cannot rely on Paula (and Jack Daniels) to 'critique' their singing and tell them how truly special and gifted they are ... what will Paula cry for now that she can no longer do it for armature singers!!??

The only thing that could make this story better for me is if instead of a twitter she posted a you tube video so we could see both the crazy and the defeat in her gin blurred eyes.

Yeah - I do know how freaking mean I sound right now - but the sad and crazy of this woman has made me that way. If they fired this woman into the sun I promise you it would still be funny to me.

Kim Jong Il Pardons Reporters; Cinton asks for a wet-wipe for his hand

2009-08-04T13:52:00.000-07:00

I am sure I'm not the only one who called it this morning (here) and said that now that Clinton was giving him a handjob made of attention that he would turn the reporters free.

What I did not count on is the fact that Clinton apparently decided to give him the full on happy ending;

"Clinton expressed words of sincere apology to Kim Jong Il for the hostile acts committed by the two American journalists against the DPRK after illegally intruding into it," the news agency reported. "Clinton courteously conveyed to Kim Jong Il an earnest request of the U.S. government to leniently pardon them and send them back home from a humanitarian point of view.

Wow.

All hyperbole aside I am pretty frigging amazed that a former president of the United States actually just humbly on bended knee(s) apologized to a batshit crazy dictator for two reporters being near his border. I don't think I could be any more shocked if I found out that Clinton gave him a lap-dance while feeding him fancy olives. I could understand if their employer apologized for sending them there, but this is a former head of state.

Prior to the release, Chinoy said, "I suspect that it was made pretty clear in advance that Bill Clinton would be able to return with these two women, otherwise it would be a terrible loss of face for him."

Yeah .... glad he did not lose face or anything....

Bill Clinton and Kim Jong Il; When attention whores collide

2009-08-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

So the reason presented for Bill Clinton deciding to pop over to North Korea is to see if he could negotiate the release of the two reporters (Laura Ling and Euna Lee) that work for his ex-veep Al Gore.

I guess no one told these two broads that communist countries hate when you hang out and try to interview people fleeing their iron clutches. It also is a bad idea to drip scalding hot wax on your genitals, but I think I would do that before I would hang out on the border between North Korea and China - who, ironically, after catching you drip scalding hot wax on your genitals by the way.

Anyway....

Since I really like pointing out obvious stuff let me just mention that we all know that perhaps the main reason for Bill Clinton going to North Korea, and the reason he has been welcomed, is because he and Kim Jong Il are both huge attention whores that hate feeling irrelevant. You might not have noticed during the last election cycle but Bill Clinton REALLY likes attention, even more than most politicians - hell even more than most Hollywood 'celebutantes' (I hate myself for using that word) ... basically I am saying that Bill Clinton is like Paris Hilton without a vagina.

As far as Kim Jong Il - what the hell can you say? The guy makes his citizens worship him like a God and eats pizza and watches porn while his people are starving. The guy has actually kidnapped actors and directors to try to make them do his film projects for him, seriously he is like a villain I would make up if I were really drunk - he is 'space emperor cult leader' crazy.

This meeting is the best thing to happen to these two in awhile, both of them get to pretend they are as important as they both desperately want to be. Just add Lindsay Lohan to this and it basically would have been the dream team of sad, self absorbed, attention starved whores.

Oh - and I am sure the reporters will get released by the way, Kim is basically getting a ransom paid to him with attention as the currency. I am glad they are probably going to be able to come home, I just hate the fact that an ex-president had to go give a metaphorical hand-job to a crazy ass dictator to do it - and I hate even more that the former president was probably happy to do it.

Travel tip: they whip you for wearing pants in Sudan.

2009-08-03T07:55:00.000-07:00

At least they do if you make the mistake of having a vagina. A journalist and some other women discovered that fun fact when they were arrested in Sudan for wearing pants - the Fox news article says 12 but I think that is a typo; I guess they just don't have the same high standards as IPHY.

Apparently when broads make the horrible mistake of wearing pants out in public Allah or Xenu or whoever rules over the people in the Sudan has decreed that they have to be whipped 40 times. Which is perfectly fair and reasonable if you are fucking insane.

Possibly also insane is the stance the pants wearing journalist is taking;

"If I'm sentenced to be whipped, or to anything else, I will appeal. I will see it through to the end, to the constitutional court if necessary," she said. "And if the constitutional court says the law is constitutional, I'm ready to be whipped not 40 but 40,000 times."

She works for the U.N. so she has immunity but she has waived it to prove a point.... the point being I guess that she thinks something might change if she gets whipped for wearing pants.

I hate to break it to her but no one is going to care five minutes after the whipping is finished, in fact no one is going to care by the 7th lash. It's not news to anyone that Muslim countries by and large treat women like shit, I think I extend more rights to my German Shepards than most Muslim women have. I know I whip them a hell of alot less and I would not get all pissed if one of them started wearing a jaunty pair of pants.

Since 'The West' has decided it's intolerant to point out how much another culture sucks, no matter how fucking backwards and barbaric it is, I would not hold my breath on anyone in the first world getting too worked up over this for long.

So basically Ms. Lubna Ahmed Al-Hussien is going to get whipped for wearing pants and nothing is going to change... sucks.

Eh - turns out I did not create any humor with this one, I should have skipped the subject just like I did when that woman ate her baby last week.

Link to article;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,536261,00.html

Hey Chris Brown how are the anger managment classes going?

2009-07-31T11:35:00.000-07:00

So Chris Brown got pissed at ... well ... something at a bowling alley...

"He definitely looked like he was being forced to leave, like his friends knew it was in his best interest," says the eyewitness. "He was acting kind of crazy, partying too much, and making moves on a really young-looking girl."

Notice that he took the time to hit on a young girl on the way out - looks like some lucky lady is going to be treated like a star .... an R&B star.

Yeah I know the joke sucked, but that is why I don't usually update on Fridays. Anyone dating Chris Brown should probably learn the chart above.

Link below;

http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/07/31/586/?test=faces

Stimulus money to support Pornography

2009-07-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

But only artistic porn, you know the type that only really screwed up kinky wackjobs get off on. I am all for doing pretty much anything to promote porn - except pay for it. Apparently the government has not heard of the Internet - hey Barrack, you can get all the porn you want for free just email me and I will hook you up with some good sites.

This is what some of your tax money paid for;

A few of their more risque choices have some taxpayer advocates hot under the collar, including a $50,000 infusion for the Frameline film house, which recently screened Thundercrack, "the world's only underground kinky art porno horror film, complete with four men, three women and a gorilla."

Honestly who wants to see an orgy with four men three women and a gorilla?

Ok well, I guess when you put it like that I want to see it.... but mostly just out of curiosity not to masturbate ....probably.

Seriously, I can get plenty of porn without the government kicking down any money - and this artistic shit sounds a little out there even by my standards. If you really just want to fund something in the arts how about a contemporary dance ensemble or a Taiko group, is that not edgy enough for stimulus money?

Here is a link to the whole article;

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/07/29/stimulus-funds-art-houses-showing-pervert-revues-underground-pornography/

Megan Fox is not trying to be Angelina Jolie (anymore)

2009-07-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

Lately Megan Fox is all butthurt about people comparing her to Angelina Jolie, which I guess I can understand because I hate it when people compare me to dashing millionaire Bruce Wayne. The difference here is I don't make it a point to wear a big black cape and a fucking batman logo on my chest while bitching that people keep trying to compare me to that other guy in a batsuit.

The other difference here is that, unlike me and Bruce Wayne, there is really no comparison;

Angelia Jolie has been in (I believe) 37 movies, including 'Girl Interrupted' which was fucking exceptional. She has another movie in post production and is in another one that is in development.

Megan Fox has been in Transformers and Transformers 2 which honestly both sucked although I am not blaming her exclusively on this; there was enough suck to go around. She has a movie in post production where she plays a slutty sex demon, which I support, but it is probably still not going to be in the ball park of 'Girl Interrupted'.

Angelina has won an Oscar and been nominated by pretty much every award granting body involved in film - Academy Awards, BAFTA, Golden Globes, SAG .... you name it and she has been nominated for it.

Megan Fox has been nominated 4 times, the biggest being the Mtv Movie awards and The Teen Choice Awards for, among other things, 'Best Liplock'.

Oh wait I know ....as a time saver lets just skip to the most important one;

No one looks at Angelina Jolie and says "Wow, it sure looks like she is trying hard to be (insert name here) - same look, similar tattoo placement, always strikes similar poses ... how really sad that she is trying so hard"

Oh and Angelina never had to say this;

"I think its cause she has tattoos really, I think a lack of creativity on the media's part," Fox said. "I am a brunette with tattoos, I curse and I have made mention of sex before. I joked about it which people find outrageous so they want to constantly compare that to her. You know Shia is the new Tom Hanks, Rhianna is the new Beyonce. Everybody is the new somebody although none of us are any of those people so you just walk around with it you live with it."

On a related note - Shia LeBeouf is obviously not the next fucking Tom Hanks. For one thing I don't recall Tom Hanks fucking up an Indiana Jones movie (once again - enough blame to pass around) or making awkward comments that made people think he wanted to fuck his mother.

Link below to the newest article about Megan Fox not trying to be Angelina Jolie;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,535584,00.html??test=faces

Ivanka Trump is more fun to look at then Joan and Melissa Rivers

2009-07-29T14:04:00.000-07:00

I couldn't handle having the picture below of Joan and Melissa Rivers at the top of my blog any longer - especially since I made the mistake of looking closely at the Joan/Melissa picture and realized one of them was wearing a transparent shirt ... which I usually support but not like this.

So here is Ivanka Trump and her amazing rack.

It seemed more relevant to the story below than another picture of Wonder Woman.

Joan Rivers pissed at Good Day Sacramento

2009-07-29T12:19:00.000-07:00

First of all sorry about the picture - but if I apply the Madonna rule too widely it soon loses it's meaning.

I didn't realize Joan Rivers was still alive until I got sucked into the car wreck called 'Celebrity Apprentice" - which honestly I only watched the first time because of the inescapable draw of Tom Green and Andrew Dice Clay as a duo.

I ended up watching it all the way to the almost end (I got bored during the finale and turned it off and instead spent some time looking at pictures of Ivanka Trump and her huge rack) and one thing became pretty obvious by the time the show was almost over - well two things actually....

1. Joan Rivers is a raving bitch with an almost mythical sense of self worth.

2. Mellissa Rivers has ridden her raving bitch-mom's coat-tails her entire life

The odd thing about Melissa is she seems like she is actually competent, just not as competent as she thinks. She comes off somewhere between adoring daughter and fawning bootlick lackey, it is really pretty disgusting to watch.

I know the show made Clint Black look like quite the misogynist - but honestly he must be as noble as fucking King Arthur to not have smacked Joan in the fucking mouth when she would shift from pouting mode to tantrum mode.

The point to this whole thing is this (btw - there is a slight delay in the audio);

It's pretty bad when even a local news person knows your daughter is a fucking toadie. It's too bad people are paying attention to them actually - because I think if we all just refused to look maybe they would go away.

Marilyn Manson is a tough guy now

2009-07-29T10:53:00.000-07:00

First off - Marilyn Manson falls under the 'Madonna' rule (I did not invent the Madonna rule btw - but I totally agree with it and adopted it) I follow for pictures on my blog. Instead I have posted a picture of his ex - Dita Von Teese, so go ahead and thank me for that.

So Marilyn has decided that he is going to be a tough guy now and throw out a few Internet threats to critics that don't like his music. Usually at that point you would yawn and shrug but there is a bit more to it.....

"If one more 'journalist' makes a cavalier statement about me and my band, I will personally or with my fans' help, greet them at their home and discover just how much they believe in their freedom of speech," Manson warns. "I dare you all to write one more thing that you won't say to my face. Because I will make you say it. In that manner. That is a threat."

Since most Jr. High School girls could probably beat the fuck out of his weird sickly ass he has decided that he is going to go all gangster and bring his boys. Seriously this is the one guy that I would put money on Perez Hilton beating in a fight, but I guess he has planned for that and is planning on bringing a crew with him so that he can have someone else man up and do the fighting.

Seriously if you are going to dare someone to say something to your face don't fucking turn around and talk about showing up with a bunch of lackeys to do the fighting for your punk ass. If you want to do something man to man with someone then have some balls and show up alone. Or better yet, let the shit they say just roll off your back - when you are an entertainer there is always going to be someone that does not like your shit. Get over it.

All joking aside his statement is a total bitch move and for once I don't feel like the most immature person in the room.

New York's newest export - the homeless

2009-07-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

New York has found a way to deal with their homeless.

Sort of.

New York City is buying one-way plane tickets for homeless families to leave the city. It's part of a program by Mayor Michael Bloomberg'sadministration to keep the homeless out of the expensive shelter system, which costs $36,000 a year per family.

I found it kind of fun to imagine the planning meeting involved in this caper (mostly because I am really bored);

Mayor Bloomberg; "There sure are alot of homeless people in New York ..... maybe we should do something about that..."

Assistant; "Yes sir! We can aggressively enforce panhandling and public camping laws and we can start pushing some job training programs to get the willing back into the workforce"

Mayor Bloomberg; "Eh ... I don't want to spend alot of time on this, can we just ship them somewhere else?"

Assistant; "Sure .... I guess we can go to cheaptickets.com and put them on some flights to get them out of here"

Mayor Bloomberg; "........ Well .... I was thinking big shipping crates .... but whatever"

Maybe Kevin Johnson in Sacramento should one better Bloomberg and buy a shitload of Greyhound bus tickets to New York city and give them to his homeless with the promise that when they get to New York they can fly anywhere they want except back to California.

Link to the article below;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,535241,00.html?test=latestnews

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds' Pre-Comic Con fight

2009-07-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

First of all I had no idea these two were married, mostly because I didn't have a clear notion of who Scarlett was before the Black Widow pictures came out and until recently Ryan was someone that was in alot of movies I skipped (but I hear 'Waiting' is really funny) and a sitcom called 'Two Guys a Girl and pizza parlor' that I watched briefly about thirty years ago. I don't recall if the sitcom was funny but I like things with long awkward names, which is why I named my penis "Cornelieus Q. Fuck".

But I digress.

The two of them got in some kind of fight so Ryan did not go to ComicCon - and although I haven't seen anyone say what they fought about I do now know he is going to be playing Green Lantern in an upcoming movie.

I think, and this is just a theory, that they were probably both in their costumes when the argument started and then they proceeded to fight ... now they are both superheroes (sort of) so I imagine it was pretty rough and costumes were being torn and hair was being pulled. There might have been some scratching but both of them, maybe even some spanking.....

I was going to go on but I need to spend some time alone with the pictures of Scarlett here.

Give me about a half hour - maybe go read the link if you like;

http://entertainment.blogs.foxnews.com/2009/07/28/scarlett-johansson-and-ryan-reynolds-spat-gets-ryan-in-hot-water/?test=faces

Kim Kardashian is single

2009-07-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

I don't think I care about this.

When I look at pictures of Kim Kardashian my brain tells me that I should think she's hot but my penis seems to disagree, or maybe it is the other way around - either way it does not result in any arousal or interest.

Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bushappeared to have a fairytale relationship -- but in Hollywood, there often isn’t a happily ever after. Fans were shocked by the announcement on Monday that the two had amicably split

I honestly am not even sure why this chick is famous. I've only seen her in one movie, she was with that guy from that show - the one about black people doing stuff - (Edit Ray J, I knew his name would pop into my head eventually). The movie really was not all that good - there were script and production issues and it doesn't look like her heart was in the blowjob scene.

In any event she is single, go get her.

Here have a link;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,535065,00.html??test=faces

Woman Stabs boyfriend for masturbating

2009-07-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

Holy shit, this chick did more than just stab him for jerking off;

When the Wisconsin woman, 23, arrived home from work yesterday afternoon, she discovered her boyfriend "watching pornography on the TV and masturbating," according to a La Crosse Police Department report. Chagrined, Ferrara argued with Christopher Strabley, 24, called him a "fucking cheater," and kicked him in the groin. Ferrara then allegedly grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed Strabley in the abdomen. Strabley told cops that she then told him, "You deserve it," while continuing to slash away

It must be really lonely up on that pedestal lady. Thank God most women are more sane than this bitch, otherwise the picture above would have gotten me killed numerous times.

Hell I am going to risk my life with that picture as soon as I finish this post, and then maybe do it again ten minutes after that.

That's how I roll.

Link to the story;

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0715092stab1.html

They always die in threes....

2009-07-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

I just remembered after I posted about the Taco Bell dog dieing (which you can see here if you missed it) that Walter Cronkite also died not long ago. I am told celebrity deaths always come in threes .....Walter Cronkite ....the Taco Bell Dog....

Good God - who will be next!!??

If I were a celebrity I would watch my step for the next couple of days.

In a related note it kind of sucks for Walter Cronkite that now that the Taco Bell dog has died the memorials and shit dedicated to him are going fade into the background.

For the health of your fetus

2009-07-23T07:55:00.000-07:00

See what Jessica Alba is doing up there? For the health of her fetus she needs to do that to her husband (or anyone she is going to have a baby with) for at least a year before conception. I'm happy to help her get some practice in if she wants to give me a call.

Not only have I been saying this shit forever but my friends have all been saying this for as long as I've known them - it is like some kind of fucking universal logic. Of course most women made the choice not to believe.

not only should you be having lots of oral sex with the father of your baby -- even up to a year before conceiving -- you should also make sure to ingest his seminal fluid. Listen to what I'm telling you: the international medical community is giving you an Rx for oral. Sure, they say frequent intercourse is good, too, but oral is better.

Well look at you now, I think alot of women owe men apologies right about now. I'm not going to gloat or anything, I just want you to do the right thing for your baby.

Oh and remember the article says you need to start a year before conception - that means if you even think you might want to have a kid with someone you should start ingesting his semen now so that you don't have to delay the conception by a year.

I love that once in awhile I can tackle serious health issues on this site, if not for me than for the children.

Oh and thank you science for finally coming up with something good. Link below - to momlogic.com no less;

http://www.momlogic.com/2009/06/is_oral_sex_good_for_your_fetu.php

The Taco Bell dog had a stroke

2009-07-23T07:22:00.001-07:00

The Taco Bell dog died.

I see how you are looking at me but seriously - kiss my ass. So far I have not found anything else to write about today other than Annalynn Mccord's birthday, and I don't even really know who the fuck that is - I just know a few of the other sites are covering it for some reason.

Plus it is not like Fox News is not reporting the dead dog story on their front page - where do you think I heard about it? I don't have the type of big Hollywood connections to get this type of info in a phone call.

Maybe some shit will happen later.

P.S. I was going to post a picture of the dog but decided instead to post a hot picture of Yvonne Strahovski from the show 'Chuck' - if you want pictures of dead chihuahuas than make your own site because we don't swing that way around here.

link to dead taco bell dog story on fox news;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,534415,00.html??test=faces

Ben Roethlisberger accused of rape - just one year later

2009-07-22T10:32:00.000-07:00

I don't follow the NFL so I have no particular attachment to Ben Roethlisberger, who now can add 'accused rapist' to his bio along with Super Bowl winner and Celebrity Golfer.

A woman has filed a bombshell lawsuit saying Roethlisberger raped her in a hotel penthouse a year ago, a claim he vehemently denies. The woman never went to the authorities with her story, and it's unclear why she decided to file the lawsuit seeking hundreds of thousands of dollars a full year later.

Since it is unclear let me just clear that up for you Mr. AP reporter - she wants to get paid. Don't feel bad, we cannot all be Batman-esque master detectives like me.

The only problem with the accusation is the fact that it really seems to come out of nowhere - it is almost like this woman wrote a letter to send to Penthouse and decided it was so good that she should just base a lawsuit on it instead.

she said he telephoned her to tell her his television sound system wasn't working and asked her to look at it. She said she was unable to find a technician so she handled it herself because she had been told it was important to please the celebrities.

That is pretty hot - I think she had a real shot at getting into Penthouse with that one.

Still - if it is now ok to just create baseless accusations about celebrities let me just throw out the fact that Megan Fox and the chick from the Harry Potter movies forced me to use my penis on them in great and terrible ways all last weekend and that now I want fifteen zillion dollars in damages or for them to have to do it again five times a year.

Link to story about Ben R. below;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,534343,00.html

Sam Ronson throws Lindsay Lohan's shit into the street

2009-07-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

I really was not going to bother posting this when I heard about it yesterday - but I feel left out since all the other sites that post stupid shit about celebrities are all over it. That is exactly the type of peer-pressure that made me try steroids and heroin - which beats the shit out of meth and creatine by the way.

Anyway Sam Ronson got lesbian angry at Lindsay Lohan and threw her shit in the street and then Lindsay tearfully picked it up while the paps shot film ... some say if you listened close enough you could hear the last little sliver of her pride scream as it died.

It does not really matter why this happened - I once knew a lesbian that told me that in their world you date a girl for two weeks and then break up with her for the next 4 years. She might have said other shit too but I lost interest so I never learned the secrets of lesbian love - maybe I will google it.

If you really have to know you can read the link below.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1201073/Samantha-Ronson-chucks-Lindsay-Lohans-clothes-street-row-Sopranos-actress-Drea-De-Matteo.html

It might suck to live in Iran

2009-07-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

So - the story says you cannot execute female virgins in Iran and I guess that is a problem since every once in awhile some woman will get all fucking crazy and want to leave the house without a male relative or speak before being spoken to or some damn thing. Some ingenious Imam however came up with a simple yet brilliant way to take care of the problem and boost military enlistment at the same time....

In the Islamic Republic of Iran it is illegal to execute a woman if she is a virgin, the former guard told the newspaper. So the government arranges "wedding" ceremonies to be conducted the night before executions, and prisoners are forced to have sexual intercourse with a guard.
Raped by her new "husband," a female prisoner is now fit to be put to death.

How romantic - it must be great to live in Iran, unless you have any fucking human empathy at all ... but if you are a brutal misogynist than it is pure tits baby. I consider myself a bit sexually adventurous, but I don't think I could even keep an erection in a situation where I had to marry and rape a virgin that was going to be executed the next day.

Shit, maybe I am a pussy after all.

Link below for all the WoW-Nerds who think this might be a way to finally get laid;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,534116,00.html?test=latestnews

Gwyneth Paltrow is bitter

2009-07-21T07:50:00.000-07:00

Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly all butthurt that all of the Iron Man 2 publicity features Scarlett Johansson instead of her.

The 36-year-old actress, who returns in the sequel as the superhero's PA Pepper Potts, is said to be angry at Johansson, 24, for stealing her spotlight in the blockbuster flick.

Now the most obvious reason for this would be that Gwyneth looks like the picture above on the left and Scarlett is the picture on the right - yeah the one that is giving even female readers an erection.

To be fair it also might have something to do with the fact that Scarlett is playing a fucking superhero and Gwyneth is playing a fucking secretary. Hey - remember all the posters for The Dark Knight? I saw alot of Heath Ledger and Christian Bayle ... how much Michael Cain was out there - isn't that odd? Maybe it was because he is the fucking butler.

Not that I want to take away the fact that Scarlett makes Gwyneth look like a fucking boy - lets please not lose our focus on how hot Scarlett is.

I need some alone time with one of the pictures above - link is below if you want to read it.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/07/20/2009-07-20_gwyneth_paltrow_jealous_of_younger_iron_man_2_costar_scarlett_johansson.html

Chis Brown is sorry and stuff

2009-07-21T07:04:00.000-07:00

Now that Chris Brown posted an apology on youtube maybe it is time for us all to give this young man a second chance.

Oh - wait.... no it isn't.

This fucking guy beat the ever loving shit out of his girlfriend - seriously I have been in fights where neither me or the other guy got hit as many times as she did .... and neither of us possessed a vagina. This isn't a youthful indiscretion like putting your dick in things that were not meant to be fucked - this is beating the shit out of a woman ... which is quite a bit worse.

Fuck him.

TMZ obviously owns the picture above and below is a link to his apology if you want to see it for some reason;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4SD6oBvbKY&eurl=http://www.wwtdd.com/&feature=player_embedded

I hate myself for caring....

2009-07-20T07:21:00.000-07:00

I think most reality shows suck ass - they started out as an intriguing idea but they were not sustainable. After the first season or two of Survivor pretty much anyone who ever wanted fifteen minutes of 'fame' started conniving to get on one of these monstrosities which in turn made these shows even more contrived than they originally were because now you not only had the producers trying to present a 'story' you also had the 'contestants' trying to create a character.

All of that is beside the point of this post - one of these days I will bore the tens of you that read this site with my very deep thoughts on Reality TV.

The point of this post is that Paula Abdul supposedly might not return to American Idol. I actually fully expect that she will be back on Idol in all her drunken glory just like she has been since the show started roughly five lifetimes ago - but for the moment her manager is trying to make it look like she won't, so I and the other idiots that pollute the Internet kind of have to pretend it might be true for a second.

Still the whole thing kind of reminds me of a promotion the company that makes Trix cereal did back in 1988 (no I did not remember the fucking date - I had to look it up) where you could somehow vote on whether the Rabbit should get to have a bowl of Trix or not. People voted that he should get it but somehow he still got fucked out of them ....

I don't know exactly why I went this direction to make my point - but the point is that I feel like the whole 'Paula (junkie) Abdul might not be on this season' thing is just as fucking phony as the damn Trix thing I just tried to explain. It's just one more fucking contrived piece of reality show bullshit that the networks are laying on you because they think you're stupid.

Problem is when the next season of Idol starts a few million of you will prove them right by watching their fucking singing competition. I'm blameless in this by the way, I'm out once the tears run out during Hollywood week - still I would rather watch it without her fucking constant drunken verbal diarrhea. (No - it is not fucking ironic for me to say that-- because I'm sober when I write this shit)

Below is a link so you can pretend it is real too;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,533882,00.html?test=faces

Good news fellas

2009-07-16T07:24:00.000-07:00

Amy Winehouse is now officially divorced!

Amy Winehouse's tempestuous marriage ended Thursday when the singer and Blake Fielder-Civil were granted a divorce by a judge in London.
Divorce papers filed with the court stated that Fielder-Civil found living with Winehouse "intolerable." Winehouse acknowledged adultery and said she would not contest the divorce.

It's like the fucking stars are aligning for men right now. At this moment Amy Winehouse is on the prowl and ready for some hot loving (and possibly some crack) - can you be the man that brings it to her? Pictures like the one above usually fall under my 'Madonna' rule - but I just had to put up something to get you going before catching a plane to London.

Now finish masturbating the picture above and get the hell out there before someone else beats you to her. Oh - and it might be a good idea to stop and get some crack on the way to improve your chances ... oh and penicillin.

In a possibly related note - can you even fucking imagine how bad this broad must be to be intolerable to Blake Fielder? I think even most crackwhores would rather have a frolicking threesome with Andy Dick and a goat than make out with this guy.

Link is below so you don't think I'm just getting your hopes up for nothing;

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gAdSOcbHWvxv4ETVdIqyrJkIEqDAD99FGGH00

One step closer to the future

2009-07-15T07:53:00.000-07:00

I am pleased to announce that we are finally taking the first step to creating an unstoppable army of killing machines. I know some of you are pointing at our Predator drones and thinking that we already took step one ... but Predators can be stopped - Schwarzenegger killed one pretty easily back before he moved on to killing the state of California. Hell Danny Glover killed a Predator - and you can probably kick Danny Glover's ass.

Oh yeah - and that fuel thing, you can kill all the Al-Qaedas you want with a Predator until you run out of fuel.

Well not anymore boys and girls...

A Maryland company under contract to the Pentagon is working on a steam-powered robot that would fuel itself by gobbling up whatever organic material it can find — grass, wood, old furniture, even dead bodies.

Now there are some that would say that building robot killing machines that feed off the corpses of their victims might not be the best idea - but I personally think it's pretty sweet.

That's pretty much it - I don't have any big philosophical thing to say. I just think it would be cool to have an army of robot killers that feed on the corpses of our enemies. I do have two suggestions however.

1. Make them look fucking horrifically scary - all of our robots thus far look gay as hell, and by gay I don't mean 'stylish' ... I mean out robots/drones look like they love cock. Make our enemies think Jigsaw from the 'Saw' movies has been made Secretary of Defense.

2. Find a way to make American corpses less delicious to our robot killers than foreign corpses. some might say this probably should have been #1 on the list - but I stand by my priorities.

I am almost sure this whole thing is going to be a hell of alot less cool than I want it to be.

Article below;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532492,00.html?mrp

Don't worry - Jackson's brothers are going to be ok

2009-07-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

So, turns out if I would have actually read the article instead of just passing my hands over the screen and making a guess at the contents I would have found out that all is not lost.

It turns out that Jackson's brothers (pictured above - probably less happy then they are now) are also going to be able to cash in on his death. I have to say that I was a bit worried that they would not be able to somehow remain attached to his teat now that he was in the ground. I, for one, am relieved.

The King of Pop's siblings are themselves involved in a venture that has become much more lucrative since his death.
Jacko's five remaining brothers were filming an A&E pilot for what they hoped would be a reality series about them launching a reunion tour.
While the five initially agreed to be paid a total of between $200,000 and $300,000 for the pilot, they now want to add footage of Michael's funeral into the mix -- and boost their take to "between $10 million and $20 million," the family source said.

I am a pretty cynical person so it's rare that I'm ever much surprised at the depths people will sink in life - but this has been refreshing .... I expected wanton greed and estate snatching but they did not stop there, it's nice to see people going the extra mile and really digging in. It's good that his brothers ...um .... care so much.

My brother would have to actually film a sex tape where he and his girlfriend screwed on my corpse before cooking it and eating it for nourishment to even come close to the love displayed by the Jackson brothers - and my brother is way too lazy for that.

Maybe that made less sense than I planned - but I think you get me.

Same link;

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07142009/news/nationalnews/mother_lode_for_jacko_ex_179174.htm

Debbie Rowe sold her kids - anyone suprised?

2009-07-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

Or at least she sold somebodies kids - I am totally confused on who the actual biological breeders were that created the children formerly owned by Michael Jackson. In any event Katherine Jackson is now the proud owner of the three children after the family paid Debbie a cool 4 million dollars to get her to sign off on the pink slips. She got a hell of alot more than what the little girl from 'Slum Dog Millionaire' was going for - so .. um ... good for her I guess...

Michael Jackson's baby mama Debbie Rowe has sold her kids again -- this time squeezing about $4 million from her former mother-in-law in exchange for giving up her parental rights

Joe Jackson probably figures that he will recoup that in short order - call me cynical but I am sure he and his (alleged) lord Satan have all kinds of colorful pie-charts and graphs showing what the initial return on investment (ROI to us business types) will be be. I doubt the cost of ownership will be all that high since the back of Joe's hand is free.

Joe is one step closer to pimping out the new 'Jackson 3' - how long before he starts painting targets for Kim Jung Il ... how long America?

Link to the article I skimmed below;

http://www.nypost.com/seven/07142009/news/nationalnews/mother_lode_for_jacko_ex_179174.htm

Holy Crap - WTF Happened to Brendan Fraser!?

2009-07-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

Did he get that sex reassignment thing like Chastity Bono (Still trying to figure that one out) and then get knocked up by some hunky male co-star on a movie set!?

He looks fucking pregnant ... fucking Encino Man is going to have damn twins, first George Lucas shows us that Indiana Jones is a decrepit old pussy and now fucking Encino Man is pregnant -- Oh and even as we speak Stephan Sommers and Paramount are fucking up G.I Joe.

Why don't you people just shoot my coming-of-age years in the Goddamn head and get it over with?

Joe Jackson's newest bid for the Nobel Prize - The Jackson 3

2009-07-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

I actually feed on tears and suffering -- no shit, I am a hell of a nice guy, but it is the tears of others that give me the succor required to keep me here... well that and a shitty job with the government.

Even I have my limits though, I actually hope Joe Jackson (Seen above in what I presume is his super villain costume.) is not lining up Michael Jackson's kids up for the same child exploitation that is apparently his superpower.

Jackson’s biographer Ian Halperin said yesterday: "Joe wants the children to go on a world tour in 2010. He has also already offered recording contracts to two of Michael’s kids. Now he is talking about getting them the world’s best backing band and taking them on tour as The Jackson Three."

This very special bastard must have some kind of super villain checklist.

1. Promote my new record label at press conferences about my sons death

2. Turn his memorial service into a fabulous 'turn key' operation for profit

3. Get some press for Jessie and Al

4. Have sex with Satan

5. Pimp my dead sons kids out to the world in any way possible

6. 'Paint' U.S. targets for North Korean missiles

Given the fact that this motherfucker has done 1, 2, 3, and now might be doing #5 that makes me a bit worried about number 6.

Any bets that he already marked #4 as 'done'?

Below is the the link to the people that either uncovered or made up this story;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,531940,00.html?test=faces

Jessica Simpson dumped - Dallas fans will probably riot in joy

2009-07-13T12:29:00.000-07:00

Or at least Dallas Fans would riot if they lived in Los Angeles - we love our riots in California, I am just glad they did not besmirch the touching circus that was the Michael Jackson memorial.

Apparently he (Tony Romo) did it the night before her 29th birthday ... so ... um happy birthday, you are almost thirty so along with another year of 'chick depreciation' you are also single. I feel so bad for women that they lose half their value at thirty, good thing she has talent, education, and intelligence to fall back on. Ok, no seriously maybe a reality T.V show? Does anyone see an 'Idiot of Love' show on VH1 coming out of this?

I presume Jessica looked all sad just like in the picture above, I would usually try to say something humorous at this point - but it is Jessica fucking Simpson, what the hell can you say?

If you hate your life enough to read the story here is a link;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,532282,00.html?test=faces

God - why do you kill people that are not Lindsay Lohan?

2009-07-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

The picture above is the only picture I like of Lindsay Lohan - you can look at it and pretend she's dead. Seriously of all the shit I hate she is definitely on the upper end of my 'celebrity broads I hate' list. Maybe top 10 depending on who is on T.V. at the moment - it is a pretty dynamic list. Not just because she is a ginger (you know - one of those redheads cursed with freckles) because I have seen like three differant redheads I would have sex with even if I am not drunk.

No I hate her because of her soul - the fact that she is a ginger skank that looks like she has questionable hygiene (at best) is just gravy.

So this strung out slut (Lindsay Lohan - in case you thought I changed subjects) was locked out of her boyfriend Sam Ronson's house (EDIT: wait - you are kidding me - that is a fucking chick!?) and she wanted to be inside instead of outside. Now to be fair - for once she did the opposite of what a strung out whore would do and called a locksmith. I honestly would have expected her to break the window by throwing somebodies baby through it.

After that things were handled in an adult manner ..... or, you know, not ....

The 23-year-old star walked around the entrance of the house as the locksmith started working on the door, watched by Lindsay's pal Christy.
She then found an open window and exclaimed, "What the f***, the lock just came undone. You know what sir, we already got in, thanks. We just broke in. We just found a way in."
She then refused to pay the man's call out fee, claiming he was asking for $300

I know that one thing we common people love is when we are called out in the middle of the night to be treated like a fucktard and not get paid. If I were this locksmith I think I would just devote my life to following Lindsay around and changing the fucking locks of anything she wanted to get into, of course I would have to come up with a fancy super villain costume and a cool name and .... meh - it would be just easier to smack the shit out of her - yeah he should have done that.

Link if you really need more details on this gripping story of stupid.

http://www.ebar.com/news/article.php?sec=news&article=3839

So I guess Hayden P. reads this site....

2009-07-08T13:00:00.000-07:00

That is the only logical explanation I have for the fact that she is wearing shit like in the picture above. She apparently found out I had lost interest in her and she is now trying to cleverly lure me back - I hope she does not go to far and burst into my office with nothing but knee-pads and lip-gloss, because .... that would be going to far.

I also assume that Megan Fox is going to come wash my Mustang like she did Michael Bay's Ferrari - oh - and that Wonder Woman is going to bust in here any moment and force me to make love to her.

Wow - I have a busy day planned.

This should go well...

2009-07-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

So today God knows how many people will be flooding down to be somewhere near the Staples Center in L.A. to ... I dunno celebrate maybe? ... the death of Michael Jackson, who I am told (constantly lately) was the King of Pop.

Since the fine people of Los Angeles riot when they are happy (Lakers championship win) or angry (Rodney King beating acquittals) I think we all have a fair idea what will be coming now that they are sad. I know the memorial starts pretty early - so there should be plenty of time to get a good spot for when the rioting starts.

I think it is kind of ironic that the Ringling Brothers circus is going to be setting up at the Staples Center following the memorial ... which seems to me like it would be like having to be the comedian that goes after Seth Rogan or George Carlin or something, or going to a club and being a whore an hour after Paris Hilton (or Joe Jackson) arrived.

Yeah - that last one.

All I know is tomorrow after they put out the fires I am going downtown to buy a lion out of the trunk of some guys car - because looting is the only way to adequately deal with happiness/anger/loss.

Here is a link to CNN's blog for up to the minute coverage on the MJ memorial .... if you click it than all I can say is I hope you life gets better at some point.

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/

Is anyone else already tired of Hayden Panettiere

2009-07-06T09:14:00.000-07:00

I remember back when I briefly thought Hayden Panettiere was cute - I don't specifically recall when it was, but it seems like a long time ago... maybe a bit before 'Heroes' came out.

Now I just find her really fucking annoying - and it is not because she did something to me personally - there is just something about this stubby little blonde that rubs me the wrong way. I any event I read two pieces of news about her today and that brought her back to my attention.

The first is that she is single again - which honestly, who fucking cares?

The second is that her tattoo (pictured above) is misspelled - which is always good for a laugh. Even better is her reaction to news that her fucking tattoo is misspelled.

She tells WENN: “It is misspelled, whatever, I just put my own spin to it. Chances are I’ll probably get it fixed, but that’s why I love having it on my back because I don’t get bored of it. I don’t have to stare at it all the time, but then you have it on your back and you don’t realize that it’s misspelled either!”

Now I am not a brain scientist or a professional pornographer or anything - but I would say that if you are going to use words in your tattoos they should be words you know how to fucking spell. That way when you see the pre-needle version the tattoo artist transfers or draws onto your skin you can point out 'that is misspelled' and get it corrected prior to it becoming permanent. At least that is how it worked with the two tattoo artists I have been to -- maybe when you are a rich celebrity you go to tattoo artists that just do the shit free hand without inking it first.

Like I said - you do have to know how to spell the damn thing in the first place - think of that before you get your cool Chinese character or Latin phrase needled on.

This is why the only words I have inked on my body are 'Mr. Fuck' - and even then it almost got fucked up and could have ended up being 'MR Fuck' - which would have made all the handicapable people pissed at me again.

Whatever - I only barely give a fuck. Link below if you want to read more about this blond vapid half midget.

http://blogs.nypost.com/popwrap/archives/2009/07/hayden_talks_tattoo_love_blunders.html

Sometimes you have to make your own rainbow

2009-07-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

I don't even know what the fuck that even means, however I can say no matter how bad your life is you can always look at Gary Coleman and feel a little better about yourself.

Over the weekend poor Gary's amazonian (she stands 5'5") apparently put the pimp hand to his ass to bring him back in line, and he found out the hard way she was not just some scared fan he could run over in a car.

"F--- you and f--- him!"Shannon Price screamed before her arrest Wednesday night.
"You deserve this after how you treated me!" she shouted at Coleman as the "Diff'rent Strokes" star stood amidst toppled furniture, scattered DVDs and strewn clothes.

He is gonna need to cash-call his ass some bodyguards or something - and the medical examiners better bring the rape kit to this one.

**note** I only read half the article - it may not be nearly as cool as what I pictured in my head.

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/07/02/2009-07-02_actor_gary_colemans_wife_shannon_price_arrested_for_domestic_violence.html

Father of the Year

2009-06-30T05:36:00.000-07:00

I tried pretty hard not to totally shit on Michael Jackson's death a few days ago (not to mention Elvis) but it turns out I needn't have bothered. Joe Jackson, Jesse Jackson (no relation), and Al Sharpton have decided they they would go ahead and shit on MJ's death just prior to dividing up and consuming the corpse.

They started the healing process with a press conferance full of crazy - some of the healing is quoted below;

Joe Jackson says the funeral will not be closed to the public, as his son would likely have wanted a similar type of service.
In a bizarre move that came across as self-serving, Jackson bookended the press conference not with news on his son's death but with plugs for a new musical endeavor—something called Ranch Records.
"[MJ's Kids] are happy with the kids that they're around ... We have kids back there who are small just like they are. They [were] never around other kids," Jackson said.
"We love those kids still," he said. "We're going to take care of them and give them the education they're supposed to have. We can do that.

It is fucking heatwarming the way they 'still' love his kids - I just hope none of them can sing or dance or Joe is going to shove a bit into their mouth and ride them into the ground before sharing their corpses with those other two ghouls.

I presume they followed that up with funeral preparations - just normal stuff like getting T-Shirts printed up, getting kickbacks from vendors who want to set up booths, setting the price of admission, and I presume considering any other way they can possibly make money from this ... I would not be suprised to be able to buy jewlery made of his bones. Oh - and a commemorative coin has to be on the way but I cannot blame that on them ... apperantly the Franklin Mint has decided that the really classy way to handle anything is to put it on real Liberian Currency. Just once I want to walk into a Liberian mini-mart and buy a coke with a handful of Elvis and Obama coins - this would be followed up with me dodging their machettes and AIDS to make my heroic escape.

Yeah -- that about wraps it up.

Link to the father of the year;

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,529478,00.html

Can the next vote be to execute them?

2009-06-29T07:08:00.001-07:00

I cannot recall ever watching the E! network but they had a viewer vote that resulted in the banning of Spencer Pratt and his better half (which says how fucking horrific he is) Heidi from further coverage - so the network must not be too bad. Speaking of Heidi - I don't know where the picture above came from, but I expect it was taken right after she saw clearly for the first time the type of person she was. I guess the moment passed.

With any luck someone can now take it one step further and get something into the next national election to have these two annoying retards fired into the sun, or thrown into Mt Doom, or whatever the hell you do to kill 'reality stars'. Honestly I think as long as the execution was public these two whores wouldn't even be all that upset about their impending doom.

At the very least I would like to see the two of them banned from T.V. until one of the networks get on board for my amazing reality show "Celebrity Saw Titanic Monkey Fight' that has been my dream to make for roughly two weeks.

By the time I finished this update I was so bored I almost for got to post the link;

http://www.3news.co.nz/News/Spencer-Pratt-and-Heidi-Montag-banned-from-network/tabid/418/articleID/110527/cat/55/Default.aspx

Michael Jackson lost the ranch but bought a farm

2009-06-26T08:12:00.000-07:00

So - I don't know if you have heard or not but Michael Jackson died yesterday. I only heard because it has been on news pretty much non-stop and apparently some of my 'friends' on Facebook worshipped him, which is news to me. Given the fact that if I saw him walking up the street I would have shot him in the head (not because he is an acquitted pedophile - because he looks like a fucking zombie) I am only shocked that he did not die sooner. It honestly would not shock me if it turns out he died eight years ago and just did not stop walking until now.

Alot of people are comparing this to when Elvis died - and I think there is alot of justice to that.

Both of them had a huge impact on music when they were younger which gave both of them alot more gravitas in the music/entertainment industry then was warranted when they were older.

Both of them went from being attractive talented young men to being fucking weirdo's of the type usually only seen in old timey carnival sideshows.

Both of them did not end up playing out the end of their careers in Vegas - but MJ was at one point in talks to be a resident performer in Vegas and was arrested for child molestation there. So that is kind of another similarity.

I would not trust either of them with my kid - but for different reasons.

In the end it probably would have been better for both of these guys if they would have died sooner - they both lived long enough to stain their incredible legacies. I am trying very hard not to shit on them both in this post.

Anyway - so long MJ .... I guess God just needed a.... whatever the fuck you are.

I posted a picture from back before he was a zombie - oh and I was going to post a link to the story but seriously - you can't fucking swing a dead cat without hitting an article about it.

This is old news but...

2009-06-25T12:32:00.000-07:00

Megan Fox ignored some chunky kid with a flower - yadda yadda - it has been covered by all the sites that are better than mine.

The only reason I am posting this is they keep showing the (hot) picture above and for some reason instead the picture making me think about having some form of sex with (or near) Megan Fox it just keeps making me think of the movie 'Bad Santa'. I am sure this kid is not the train wreck that the kid from the movie is - but it keeps bringing me there ... and I am not complaining because it makes me laugh but....

Maybe I will just crop him out of the picture.

WTF? People are still talking about this?

2009-06-24T07:52:00.000-07:00

Perez Hilton said he was sorry that he used that word 'Faggot' but that Will.I.Am still is one ... or something like that.

Seriously why does anyone care - the only thing that is surprising in all this is that more people have not smacked around Perez sooner. Honestly I blame society - if we were not so fucking PC in America these days Perez would have had his attitude beaten out of him back in Jr. High.

Following my long standing tradition of not posting pictures of Perez Hilton (ugly people make me sad) please enjoy the somewhat related picture above - guess Perez would have liked to bump into Archie on that day ....get it? Because it sounds like he masturbated all 3 or those guys... I got nothing.

Link to the story - I am not gonna read it but you might...

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2009/06/24/2009-06-24_perez_hilton_apologizes_for_gay_slur_but_says_sticks_stones__and_punches__hurt_w.html

Actions have consequences? ... who knew!?

2009-06-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

I have a pretty simple policy that does not allow me to post pictures of Perez Hilton - that also extends to Madonna and the "Two Girls One Cup" video. Pretty much in that order. Enjoy more Wonder Woman - God knows I will when I am alone.

So Perez Hilton decided it was ok to call Will.I.Am a 'faggot' - it ended with him being smacked around and that lead to the following explosion of twittering;

PerezHilton: I’m in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please.
PerezHilton: I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke.
PerezHilton: Still waiting for the police. The bleeding has stopped. I need to document this. Please, can the police come to the SoHo Met Hotel.
PerezHilton: I spoke to my lawyer. I really need to talk to the authorities. Please come to the SoHo Met Hotel. Have called the police. Need them here.

Remember this 'Fun Fact' kids - twitter is not the best way to call for help. I know that if someone whipped out their cellphone while I was kicking their ass and started typing away on their tiny qwerty keyboard while crying hysterically it would just make me want to kick them more ... hell if anything it would let me know that I had exactly infinity minutes before the police came. He might as well have tried to shine a bat-signal on a cloud with one of those keychain flashlights.

Given my knowledge of the law it is my opinion that Perez got pretty much what was coming to him. Next time I hope he gets mouthy with someone with less restraint - like Chris Brown ... I bet Rihanna is not going to be getting mouthy with him again.

On a related note - I hope that Chris Brown tries his shit on someone with less vagina then Rihanna - like Bruce Willis, or Mr. T or .... that big Transformer that turns into a spaceship or ..... well you know what the fuck I mean.

Link below because I did not make it to that 'award' show;

http://www.kxmc.com/News/Nation/395379.asp

Hey Gay-People - I am here to help.

2009-06-22T10:14:00.000-07:00

The gays have long aspired to have the same rights as other people; the ability to work, fight in wars, and even the right to marry each other. Whether gays are making us laugh on TV, teaching us how to dress, or making the military a little more fabulous they have made great strides working their way into the televisions and hearts of straight people everywhere. The one thing they have not accomplished is keeping enough people on board to give them the final ultimate right, the right to briefly marry and then divorce the person of their choice – just like 'normal' people. Now, as a thank you from us straight guys for teaching us how to look just a little more super, I want to give you a couple ideas to help you keep reaching toward the stars!

1. For the love of God stop having gay pride parades.
Everyone loves a parade, but please keep in mind that you want people to think that you are ready for the ultimate commitment of marriage – we are talking the most important decision you will make (two or more times on average) in your life. A parade can do more to set you back than anything else – just ask the Irish, the Saint Patrick’s day parade almost prevented them from being able to vote in this country, and all they did was get piss drunk and fight each other in the streets. It makes it hard for us to think you are really serious about the solemn vows of heterosexuality’s greatest invention when you have an entire parade of men in ass-less chaps walking pet midgets, riding unicycles, and doing Broadway dance routines. By the way, any of these activities would probably be fine if you were wearing something else - maybe Dockers and a nice polo shirt.

2. Pick better representatives.
We all understand how hard this can be, just ask black America and they will tell you, but this has to be addressed as soon as possible. You need better representation in the media, and don’t tell us you don’t have the personnel available because we have all seen trannys (or is ladyboy the politically correct term?) on The Maury Povich show that made us briefly question how important a vagina is to sex. You guys pretty much own the media – why you did not get Tom Cruise and John Travolta to be your spearhead couple back in the early 90’s will always be a mystery. You have got to get some people in front of us to make us think that gay marriage is not just a good idea but the best idea ever. To be fair it looks like you tried, you sent in your lesbians first which is always a good move when dealing with us ‘Normals’ but you made a tragic misstep and sent your grizzled old commanders instead of your front line fighters. Remember – image, image, image.

This couple won in the courts

BUT

This couple wins our hearts and minds

Now no one is saying you can't be fabulous - just be a little less fabulous until you get the whole marriage thing rolling ... then you can go back to having your parades be just as fucking bat-shit crazy as you want.

Migraine headache brings (un)popular site to a halt

2009-06-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

No - I did not have the good sense to give up blogging (like I presume the majority of bloggers do) but am under attack from the migraine fairy (pictured above).

I will update again when I don't alternate between wanting to vomit from the pain and nausea and .... well there is really no other thing to alternate with that.

Madonna steals another baby

2009-06-12T09:51:00.000-07:00

Nothing in heaven or earth can compel me to post a picture of Madonna, and keep in mind I just posted a picture of Chastity Bono this morning - so yeah. Instead enjoy the picture of Wonder Woman fighting her way through all odds to get to the one thing that can save the world ... my penis.

Oh - and Madonna was able to steal another baby, I did not bother to read the article but I presume she flew down on her ragged harpy wings and carried it off in her talons or something.

"It's the early hours in New York now but my client has been awake all night waiting for this," Madonna's Malawi lawyer, Alan Chinula, tells PEOPLE

Link is below,

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20284827,00.html

So wait... Is Chastity Bono changing into a woman?

2009-06-12T08:22:00.001-07:00

So all I really read about this is the following headline from the AP;

Chastity Bono announces sex change

Does this mean she is changing back into a woman? Does this mean she is adding a second penis to be some kind of new UBER man that will rule all of us that only have one penis and one set of testicles? Did this already happen and the story is just late coming out?

Seriously, what the hell? Is this 'Gender Confusion' thing all the kids are talking about mean that you are confused about someone's gender? If so than I guess I am suffering from gender confusion.

Link below if you want to try to make some sense of it.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ivbyADM3z60OqCt8RH5gjRzeyqHgD98OQMQ00

Don't let PC make you it's bitch

2009-06-11T08:35:00.000-07:00

I am not talking about the chunky pale guy in the bad suit who argues with the Mac guy, but actually the title would apply to that as well. You do not want ol' PC doing the scene from 'Deliverance' on you.

Three radio DJ's in Sacramento I never heard of on a radio station I never listen to said some shit about Transgendered people that I have not met.

The on-air personalities of the "Rob, Arnie & Dawn" show on 98.5 KRXQ-FM have been off air this week after heated reaction to comments made May 28 about transgender teens. On that broadcast, disc jockeys Rob Williams and Arnie States labeled transgender people freaks, weirdos and drama queens.

This would not usually be something I would give two shits about, and honestly I only barely care - but there is nothing else that has caught my interest yet this morning. The interesting (ish) part of this story is that the three of them were then suspended from their jobs and had to come back on the air and apologize for it -- which they did, profusely and on bended knee(s).

"I want you to very clearly understand that I proudly and fully apologize for those comments completely."

As all of us remember (because it was covered by the media as if alien life had been discovered) former Miss California Carrie something-or-other also got into a big controversy for saying that she did not believe in gay marriage (as opposed to opposite marriage - whatever the hell that is) which put Perez Hilton's big panties in a wad.

Now I don't know what part of America some of these people grew up in, but I presume it was full of Care Bears and rainbows. In the part of America I grew up in you went to places like public school to learn that if you are a fat pale weird homo (Perez, looking in your direction) you need to develop a thick skin and not let every little thing someone says bother you -- especially since I just listed four separate reasons why Perez Hilton would have been made fun of at my High School. Same goes if you are a boy who tapes it back and buys a prom dress or a girl who has a mullet and wears alot of flannel. Or for that matter one of those pimply kids that like math and talk about Star Trek and dragons - the ones most of us now work for.

Believe me, I've got nothing against the gays. I don't want anyone to be physically harmed or chased with torches. I am all for letting you have all the same rights as me. You want to marry a dude that's your business - hell marry 3 dudes I don't give a shit. For that matter you want to be a polygamist and have a half dozen wives (not child brides) then God love you. Hell if you want to marry a rock or tree send me the invite and let me know where you are registered. Cross dress all you like - screw it, go all out and dress as a different gender and species. There are really not enough transgendered unicorns covered in glitter - so do that.

See, the thing is my life is not impacted by who you marry, who you love, or what you put in your mouth.

So gays, trannys (or ladyboys if you prefer), fatties, geeks, polygamists (Mormon or otherwise), litigious religious fanatics that fear Xenu, various ethnicity's, or whoever else you are - if you are a citizen then be proud of whatever shit you are into and leave me the hell out of it.

But don't ask me not to talk shit about it. You have the option of not paying the least bit of attention to me or saying some shit back - or going all old school and shit and throwing down with me ... I suppose a dance off or rap battle might also be allowable, however I think the dance off gives you an unfair advantage.

Grow a thicker skin - just because you are a ladyboy (or tranny if you prefer) does not mean you have to be a sissy.

-IPHY Fun Fact- All of my friends are either total right wing wackjobs or left wing commies, this post will probably piss off both. Yay!!

I don't get it

2009-06-10T08:47:00.000-07:00

So I guess Great White Sharks need to be protected for some reason? I am pretty sure the whole point of 'Jaws' was that they eat people attack boats and need to die.

Last week, Jessica Alba plastered posters of a great white shark across different spots in Downtown Oklahoma City. These locations included Stage Center and a railroad overpass near Bricktown. And she did it all to bring awareness to the dwindling great white shark population.

I am still new to this whole 'Green' thing, and it only makes any sense at all to me when I am looking at Miranda Kerr tied to a tree (see below - it is regrettably not as creepy as it sounds), but this sounds like we are trying to protect nature's serial killer.

I like Jessica Alba - but she is going to have to be alot more naked before this starts making any sense to me.

P.S. She said she was sorry later, and she should be - those sharks want to kill you and everything you believe in. Or maybe she was sorry about the posters ... I dunno - I kind of space out when celebrities make speakie sounds like they are people.

My crack team of detectives did not bust this one wide open in time so the link to the story I read is below

http://www.thelostogle.com/2009/06/08/jessica-alba-vandalized-downtown-oklahoma-city-seriously/

STOP THE PRESSES!!

2009-06-10T08:20:00.001-07:00

Words cannot express my shock

After months of speculation about American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert's sexuality, the rocker tells Rolling Stone he is gay and even had a crush on winner Kris Allen.

I have not been this shocked since Clay Aiken Came out of the closet - which was nearly as shocking as when Rosie O'Donnal said she was gay.

In a related story - I still like vagina.

Link below so you do not think I am making this up (about Adam Lambert not about me liking girl parts)

http://www.wistv.com/Global/story.asp?S=10508873

Hey Television Why do you lie?

2009-06-09T13:09:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying there is nothing in this world that could compel me to post a current picture of Janice Dickinson. When I see her now I can't believe I masturbated to pictures of her when she was younger.

Now on with the show...

The other night my wife told me that they were going to lock Janice Dickinson in a tank that was filling with water and alligators, and once I remembered who the hell Janice Dickinson was I was down for that.

It was pretty disappointing. She did not die, hell she was not even maimed, and she had to go back to her camp and tell all the other glamorous celebrities that she failed - which in this case meant Lou Diamond Phillips because I did not have a clue who the hell the other people were.

When they went to commercial I found out that the name of the show is "Something something Celebrity something".

Wait, what?

Seriously, does anyone else think these people are celebrities? The rest of the cast was basically the two fat guys that are not Alec Baldwin, That effeminate Indian (dot not feather) kid that sang poorly on American Idol, and those two retards that someone had to explain to me were from some Mtv show (hey Mtv - go back to showing music so you can stop sucking so much) - oh and I think the black guy might have been from something sports related. The fact that the show was a shitload of stupid is almost besides the point. I felt so strongly about this for about 5 minutes that I decided to write a strongly worded letter to the people that run television - you know like the U.N. does when crazy ass dictators build nuclear weapons or support genocide.

Dear Television People;

Reality show contestants are not celebrities, retards from shows that pretend to be reality shows are also not celebrities. People who play professional sports might be celebrities - but you should see if they are in any shoe or sport drink advertisements before casting them. You should be fucking ashamed when a show that uses the word "Celebrity" in the title does not even rise to the level of "Celebrity Fit Club" - which also made baby Jesus cry. I hate you so much.

P.S. thanks for bringing back "Scrubs".

Somehow I don't think they will listen and we will continue to have whiny reality (and pretend reality) show fucktards shoved down our throats. Let me make the next reality show for these bastards to be on - It will be like having the Movie Saw 3 take place on the Titanic while chimpanzies are rampaging and eating feet on the upper decks.

I am not even sure that last line made sense but I am liking it. I have to package this idea off to the right people.

Dear Televison People,

Please help me make Celebrity Saw Titanic Monkey Fight a reality.

David Carradine vs Rope and Genitals or possibly Ninja's update

2009-06-09T09:26:00.000-07:00

So after about 5 seconds of thought most people came to the conclusion that the beloved star of Kung Fu (not Bruce Lee) hung himself while jerking off -- hey it is common, who hasn't thought about choking themselves just a bit while masturbating? Hell if more people were ambidextrous people would probably be dieing left and right.

This theory was bolstered by information like this;

“There was a rope tied around his neck and another rope tied to his genitals, and the two ropes were tied together and they hung in the closet,” Lieutenant General Worapong Siewpreecha said, the Times Online reported. “Under these circumstances we cannot be sure that he committed suicide.”

However, to be fair, that is not the only posibility;

"A secret sect of kung fu assassins could have silenced actor David Carradine as he delved into their shadowy activities, according to his family's lawyer.
In a twist that could be straight out of one the "Kill Bill" star's movies, attorney Mark Geragos suggested that Carradine may have been killed as he tried to uncover groups working in the martial-arts underworld.
The lawyer said the actor's family refuses to believe he died in a sadomasochistic sex stunt gone wrong -- despite his being found naked with a rope tied around his neck, wrists and genitals."

Now just to be even more fair keep in mind that Mark Geragos also tried to convince people that Lacey Peterson was abducted and killed by cultists, that Chris Brown was just blocking Rihanna's repeated headbutts with his fists, and that Michael Jackson always acts totally appropriate with the little boys he has over for sleep overs and wine tasting.

Just saying.

Link is below just so you do not think i am making this shit up....

http://www.nypost.com/seven/06072009/news/regionalnews/whacky_kung_fu_172948.htm

David Carradine got caught by Mr. Dead

2009-06-04T12:06:00.000-07:00

Some of the news stories say it might have been suicide, he was apperently found hanging. If it was not suicide than I don't want to piss off whoever he did - it takes a special kind of killer to hang your ass - like that evil samuri ghost thing that killed Bruce Lee, or so I was lead to believe in the movie about his life.

However why the evil samuri ghost who killed Bruce Lee would want to kill the man that stole his dreams of starring in 'Kung-Fu' .... wait I lost the thought. Nevermind.

Link the news is below, it is not like I have insider info or anything.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jYLx_BnPo6sLU4mJPxtECCt0z6RQD98K0T000

WTF is a Facebook?

2009-06-04T11:42:00.001-07:00

So the other day I started randomly doing google searches on people I was tight with back in the day - which for me would be around 1988/89 or so. Whenever I do this I always get kind of the 'Cold Case' montage in my head - you know where they play some music from Journey or R.E.M or something and suddenly you see you and all your friends gathered around dressed in period clothes with perm'd hair and crap.

I digress....

Anyway so the only differance is this time I actually found someone (My friends were not the type of people you would find on the interweb - unless they could somehow smoke it, steal it, or beat you with it) in my google results instead of only finding gay pornstars that somehow have the same names as my high school friends. In this case I found one of the best friends I ever had, a guy named Sam who was my first really true friend.

To get in contact with him I had to make a facebook page, and that led me to two bits of consternation...

1. I dont know how the hell to set up my facebook page, it is not at all what i expected and it is somehow both smarter and dumber than me. The page currently looks as stylish and organized as a Tiajuana strip bar (you know the one Sam) and I think everytime I type something it gets brodcast to anyone stupid enough to add me as a friend.

and

2. There are alot more people on Facebook than I thought ... I am told at least a couple thousand. Turns out the chances of me knowing people on Facebook are greater than expected. You ever think about how great things were in High School and think how cool it would be to talk to old friends and than have the possibility of doing so and realize that it probably is not the best idea?

Yeah that.

But on the upside at least I can talk to Sam again.

This post did not even amuse me, luckily as per my intro post I dont expect anyone will actually read it so no worries.

I agree with whatever the hell she is saying

2009-06-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

I may need to rethink all this 'Green' shit - maybe it is not as stupid as I always assumed...

The blog title could have been "You Probably Wont See This"

2009-06-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

I dont really 'get' blogging.

I have friends (ok not friends but people I know) that blog and I always wonder what the hell the point is... who reads it? I figure that their mom might read it, some of their friends might claim to read it - but honestly the only person that probably reads the damn thing is the person who wrote it and the girl they just broke up with.

I doubt most people who blog are celebrities, people seem to care what celebrities think for some retarded reason, so most (almost all) people (who blog) have their precious and so amazingly lucid insights wasted on a page that no one is going to look at unless it has the words "hot teen anal blowjob celebrity nudity ipod bailout obama limbaugh" worked in at some point and it happens to come up on google.

So basically I am typing up shit that is going through my head that no one but me will probably ever read, and I am wording it as if you are reading it ... that is a total mind fuck.

I might post more later and make someone I know read it.